Count it all joy.

From Michelle.  8 January, 2011.

Dear friends and family,

The holidays flew by and landed us, disheveled but optimistic, in a brand new year.  Looking around, we still feel as if we are out on an open sea, having broken off from the land we knew and loved, and destined for some unknown shore.  While the storm that cast us out remains challenging, however, sometimes now the wind feels good.  Our eyes are peeled for that new and distant land.  Wherever we are headed, we trust that we’ll be ready.

On December 30th, we greatly enjoyed an overnight getaway to not only celebrate ten wonderful years together, but take stock of all that has transpired, and begin to look ahead (thanks, John and Darlene Ruetschle, for watching the boys!).  Steve surprised me by taking me to St. Ignatius Chapel, the beautiful, worshipful space where he proposed to me ten and a half years ago.  All those years ago, he followed an ancient Israelite tradition by offering me a cup of wine as a proposal.  If I drank, I accepted.  As we sat in the very same place, he offered me the cup again.  I am a different man now, he said.  Would I marry him again?

Oh yes, Steve Ruetschle, I will marry you again!  I drank both soberly and gratefully from that cup that day.  The soberness came because the costs are real, the losses profound.  Gratitude flowed liberally, however, because all that I love most about Steve has not only remained but deepened.  The geography of our marriage may be different, but the navigation systems remain the same.  We hope to enjoy these explorations together for many, many more years!

You are probably wondering whether we danced on our anniversary.  We did, indeed.  We danced quietly in our hotel room, to the song from our wedding night.  Steve managed not only a sweet embrace but a few good turns for flair.  No, we are not quite yet up for any dips or more theatrical maneuvers.  But we enjoyed our sweet shuffle on the dance floor nonetheless!

practice dance

With a brief lull for holiday celebrations, Steve is glad to be back in the swing of things.  Therapies and exercise help create a more measurable sense of progress, which is crucial to keeping our motivation up.  We often marvel at how easy it would be to just stop and settle for where things are.  It is a testament to Steve’s sheer willpower, determination, and – most of all – love for god, friends and family that he keeps at it.

We measure his progress with the measurement systems of daily life.  Today he can walk around Trader Joe’s.  QFC is a stretch but possible.  Target is a lofty goal.  (In Manila terms, that might translate as Santi’s, Rustan’s and Shoemart!)  For our anniversary, Steve had to rely heavily on the chair to get around Seattle’s downtown, a sobering reminder of how much progress still needs to be made.

Steve kicked off the year with a bang, however, by taking a specialized driving exam to assess what, if any, instruments he might need to begin driving again.  To our delight, all he needs is a special knob on the steering wheel, and he can drive!  He outfitted our van this weekend.  Look out for him on the streets soon!  Not to worry, he remains the amazing driver he always was!

Our Medicaid process also showed some promising signs of progress in the new year.  We have finally qualified for the state home care provisions that we have been waiting on.  This means we must be almost, if not all of the way qualified for Medicaid.  Until we have some tangible card or number, however, we are hanging on pins and needles.  What a relief it will be when that process has ended!  A significant stack of medical bills hang in the balance.

And so, dear friends and family, we begin the new year loving each other deeply, resolved to continue to heal, and looking forward to what lies ahead.  Foremost among our prayer requests is always our heart’s cry for Steve’s complete healing.  While we are in a state of constant amazement and delight at what has returned, there is much more that remains lost: fine motor skills in hands and fingers, strength, sensation – hot and cold, dull and sharp – and full functioning of bowels and bladder.  As we contemplate a return to Manila, our next request is that all of the details would flow through God’s gracious providence and clearest affirmation.  Foremost among these details is an affordable means to insure Steve.  We also pray for final resolution to all of our Medicaid and other applications.  We are grateful beyond measure for the support that has allowed us to continue as we wait, and often marvel at how those with less survive the interminable process.

I end, as always, with a verse, not out of a desire to appear righteous but because I feel compelled to acknowledge the calm center, the gentle wisdom, the solid rock beyond ourselves that has held us firm through this trial.  Today, two simple lines from James 1:2-4: “Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Joy lives here.  Laughter lives here too.  We know it’s source, we feel Love’s rays warming us from above and through those we love.  Truly, we have nothing, but god has filled our cup to overflowing.  And indeed a steadfastness has grown from receiving a cup not of our own making.  And as we remain steadfast, it fills up even more.  It is a mystery that I have fallen in love with, one I cannot understand and one which I do not deserve, but which has won my utter devotion.  In our humble, broken patch god planted joy.  And somehow, it is blooming.

As always, we are grateful beyond measure for each of you, and for your prayers which have made every difference.

With love,

Michelle

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  • Researcher55

    Dear Michelle and Steve, we continue to pray for you. You were on our hearts yesterday here in Manila – especially during worship. We rejoice in all the miracles there have been and look forward to what God will continue to do in your lives and ours. With prayers and love for you and your children, Geri and for Harry

  • Paul Moment

    Miche and Steve, you know that NT verse that says Elizabeth’s baby leapt within her when she heard Mary’s voice? That’s kinda how Janece and I felt when we first heard about you and Steve finding each other, and how my heart felt reading this post about your first-decade recommitment vows. Something about you two together is powerful, electric, possibility-creating. Thank you for wrestling with and loving yourselves through this last 10 years ( and more dramatically, this year) and for generously sharing with all of us. We love you and will continue to be your partners in life and prayer for the next many decades.

  • john dettoni

    I marvel at both how you express yourselves but even more what you have to say. Your faith in the loving arms of our heavenly Father propels you through these days: from sheer fainting last Spring to the optimism grounded in continual improvement. Your joy and peace and trust are totally inspirational to anyone who reads your thoughts. And you prove in your daily lives together that the God of all peace and joy and love resides in your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus our Lord!
    john dettoni, San Clemente, CA 1/9/11

  • May and Joseph Uy

    Happy New Year! When is a good time to go and visit you in Seattle?

  • Millie

    Didn’t I tell you, you WILL BE DANCING on your anniversary??!! What joy it is not only for you but for all of us anticipating every report from you and how romantic was your celebration! Truly, God never ceases to amaze us all with His love and grace, just as we never cease to pray for Steve and your whole family for continued fortitude and patience in all that develops each day.
    Love from the Philippines,
    Millie & Mer Meneses

  • Katebaker99

    Hi Michelle, You haven’t heard from me much, but your family has been present in my heart and prayers. Your postings are a joy to read as your writing is absolutely beautiful and inspirational. However, the pain has also been present and difficult to digest. Wishing you all the best in the New Year. You all have come such a long way in 6 months.

    With love, Kate Baker

  • Sillviadavalos2

    Dear Michelle
    I met you years ago when I was living in Manila and I come to find you again under these circumstances. Since those days when we shared a few conversations over tea and scones at the Shangrila, I have been in this path of searching to fall in love with God in a deeper, more spiritual way. I understand that it is God who choses us and not the other way around, and he does not because we are good but because we are so imperfect. What an unconditional kind of love.
    You have certainly come to my life as a source of example, you have taught me not only with your words but mainly with your actions and for that I will always be grateful. I want what you have, that deep, profound love for the Lord that gives meaning to your life and makes everything possible.
    I will keep praying for you and your loved ones and thanks so much, once again for being who you are.
    Silvia

  • Toby

    What a story Michelle…God is really really good. Hoping to still catch you guys at care group one day…Toby

  • Kathleen Barry

    It is such a blessing and privilege to follow your journey. What an awesome God, who has given us Steve and Michelle and who continues to work his miracles every day!

  • Patriciaharris

    A wonderful ongoing story – with many more chapters to come – of God’s amazing love and grace.
    Driving and dancing – what gifts!

    So sorry to say, but my travel plans have been rerouted later this week, so I’ll miss out on my Seattle stopover :-(
    Will be in touch.

    Patti

  • Ali Smith

    Michelle, you write so beautifully. I watch with awe and wonder from afar at Steve ‘s continued improvement! Thank you for so humbly and couragously sharing this journey with us. As I type this, the words from Jeremiah 17:7-8 are impressed upon my heart for you:

    7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
    whose confidence is in him.
    8 They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
    It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
    It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

    Much love and many more prayers,

    Ali

  • Tiffany Megargee

    God planted Joy… indeed. Though the most heart-broken moments of 2010 for me where felt in the ongoing experience of being present to Steve’s injury and recovery, it is also so true that the most joyful moments occurred in the process too! Watching Steve move each individual joint of each finger makes my heart leap with such joy that I have to catch my breath. Being present to the healing power of prayer, and the sheer determination and love of the two of you is too big for words.
    I love you! Tiffany

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/KVXJMO6VUJE5MDRGIZU5SSIXJA Julie

    How awesome and encouraging! We look forward to seeing you back at UCM! Take care, God bless you Pastor Steve, Michelle and the 3 boys!… Julie/UCM

  • Ammiarmas

    Happy wedding anniversary Pastor Steve and Michelle! I admire your deep love and commitment for each other!
    May He give you all the desires of your heart. We are glad you had a very meaningful celebration, we will continue to pray for you and your family.

    Ammi (and Leo) Armas

  • Roger and Helen – UCM

    Christmas, New Year, Anniversary all rolled into one and YES, you DANCED. Tears come to my eyes as I read this, especially the symbolism of once again drinking from the cup. The driving is just brilliant – what an inspiration. we will continue to pray for the hands and fingers to be restored. Incidentally, i know many men who cannot walk around SM, but this is usually because of the weight of their wives’ shopping! Wonderful to hear from you again with such uplifting news…..

  • James_md_bg

    Michelle, as always, you inspire me. Your writing so eloquently captures your faith and love of your husband. I told Michael last weekend when we were in church, days after I had seen the video of Steve walking, that I would give anything to be at UCM when Steve walks in the door. What a journey, how great is the Lord. As always, you are in our thoughts and prayers. Love, Elizabeth James

  • Lolaray3

    Love the beautiful card!! Hugs to you and the boys!! We have photos of you on our calendar from Manila and miss all of you!!! Happy New year and Happy Anniversary!! Jana and the boys!!!!

  • Delfa Matic

    Hi Michelle!

    This is an amazing story which only an amazing God can “choreograph” (Steve’s words). This gives us hope for the new year. Thanks for finding the time to share your journey with us. You are an encouragement to all of us.

    With much love and prayers,

    Tom and Delfa

  • Dale and Liz

    Praise be the God of Our Salvation. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

  • Borgar Bjorkas

    Our hearts rejoice for you Steve and for your whole family! What a blessed way to begin the new year!

  • Debimangi

    Continuing to pray & follow your progress. Your updates are so encouraging yet heartfelt & honest. thank you. We miss you in Manila.
    (a UCM attender)

  • Mandy

    Praising God with you and for your lives lived out on the internet. God bless your journey as you stand on the Solid Rock who is so clearly your foundation. Praising the Lord in advance for complete healing. Happy New Year.

    Mandy

  • Greggfarah

    DANCE!!!!!!!!

  • Greggfarah

    DANCE!!!!!!!!

  • Bon, Iris, Sam & Kiersten Moya

    What a wonderful way to celebrate a decade of love and commitment! We praise God for how He has shown His glory through you and in you! May He bless you with many, many more years together – years overflowing with hope, love, and joy! We love you!