Hope

Posted on July 2, 2010 by Sean

From Michelle.  3 July, 2010 6:30 p.m. PST.

Dear friends and family,

It has been a long day. Steve began the day tired, so while he rose to every occasion, he had few reserves in between. I am tired too. We continue to make strides: Steve managed to sit in a wheelchair today. By this I mean that he barely tolerated it, bravely pushing through a pain 10 out of 10 to sit for forty minutes or so.

Still, we managed to wheel him into the rehab gym, his first excursion out of his room, and a whole world of future possibilities – equipment, other patients, etc, which none of us had even known existed. The room has been our safe little hub from which we rarely come forth.

There has been much reality talk. Everything is about how to manage Steve’s current capacity. There is no sense yet, or assurance – scientifically or otherwise – of how much he could regain, so understandably, staff is working on what he can do now.

It is hard, however, not to get discouraged. At the moment, Steve has no ability to wiggle or curl or move his fingers. Using a wrist muscle he can cause some movement that he can leverage to do things. I find myself, today, however, simply wishing for his fingers to return. And I am asking you to join your prayers with mine for this.

I am still learning the balance between humble acceptance and hope. I feel called to hope. It is a vulnerable and frightening place, knowing that the outcome may not align itself with my desires. And yet not to hope is a small death of its own, of faith and of future.

So I will chose it carefully and tentatively, now, knowing that indeed God can do exceedingly more than we could ask for or imagine, but also knowing that his glory may shine forth even more powerfully in our brokenness.

For fingers,

Michelle

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  • Cbsample

    Dear hearts, your realistic humble transparency helps me so much…thank you, thank you for daring to hope. This is an appropriate bravery. May the One who moved toes move fingers. Joy in the morning, Love with prayers, joining many others who love & pray, Chris in Maine

  • Amandavermeulen

    Dear God, we pray for fingers to move and for much needed sleep for both Steve and Michelle. In your name we ask this. Amen

  • LeighWeber

    Dear Michelle,
    I am a member at UPC. In May of last year my husband of 23 years, who was 45 at the time, was diagnosed with Stage Four colon cancer. He passed away on March 4th of this year, leaving me and two kids. Amidst our journey, however, I DID see the power of prayer at work and I take seriously your request for prayers for Steve's fingers. So add mine to yours each day. And blessings on your nights, that you both SLEEP and find the reprieve of QUALITY rest.
    In Christ,
    Leigh Weber

  • Shehuy93

    His glory is already shining brightly through you all!

    Praying with you for fingers, hope, sleep, faith, joy, peace, love, relief, comfort, wisdom, and the Everlasting Arms beneath you.

    love, shelley merritt in manila.

  • Jodi Durr

    We have been praying for fingers too! Leaning on the side of hope, we don't want his guitar to be lonely!

  • riezl

    The Lord said come boldly and we shall exactly do that that everything from fingers to toes may glorify your awesomeness Father God.

  • Fred Davis

    “Though you pass through the waters, they will not overwhelm you.” That verse from Isaiah was the cord of hope and strength we desperately clung to in the days and weeks following my spinal injury. At no time was it more needed than in the transition from the relative (strange as that sounds) security of a hospital ICU to a Rehabilitation hospital. The fears of unknown futures, of uncertain physical outcomes, and of countless consultations by Doctors, nurses, and Occupational, Physical, Recreational and Speech therapists. I remember being so discouraged after my first wheelchair visit to the rehab gym and being so able to do things I used to think of as simple.

    Your journey has touched our hearts because almost every posting we read parallels the journey we began thirteen years ago. Today, Judy and I, with tears rolling down our cheeks prayed for both of you and your children. I asked God to help Steve feel a sense of dignity and worth in spite of his weakness. Judy prayed for sleep and for strength for Michelle and Steve. We both prayed for an easing of the pain, fever, and discouragement.

    We want you to know that if you both ever feel that you need to talk to a couple who has been down this path we would welcome the opportunity to listen, to pray, to encourage, to share in your suffering. Though we don't know you we love you and continue to pray for wholeness and healing in every way. And yes, we are praying for fingers and toes to respond to the nerves that Steve is working so hard to will towards movement.

    Fred and Judy Davis
    Calvary Presbyterian Church
    Enumclaw, WA
    253-951-9720
    http://www.throughstormywaters.blogspot.com
    davisfredd@msn.com

    • seandimond

      Fred and Judy,

      This is Sean… Steve and Michelle's friend. Thank you for such a wonderful guestbook post. This is one of the more heartening posts so far.

      It's simply the fact that you can't replace how valuable it is to connect with someone who has been in the kind of struggle and life challenge that you are in. It's going to be very important for them to connect with other people who've gone through this.

      Just to say… thanks for your kindness and tears.

      All the best,

      S

  • Darrenlgustafson

    Michelle,

    I think the word for you from Romans 5 is that your hope shows the strength of character God has worked in you and that it will not dissappoint you because it is a mark of his love for you. Hope is always for something that we cannot be sure of, but we can be very sure of its source. Your remarkable faith is having a tremendous impact on many of us right now, and you can be sure that our hope will follow suit–maybe even outdistance yours someday, should you come to need it.

    Love.

    Darren

  • Bonnie Stalter

    Hope is essential for all of us. Phil 2:13 is one of my favorite verses.
    For it is God who works in us to will and do of His good pleasure. may not be word perfect
    often we think our desires are selfish but God himself places the longing within us so that we
    want to follow His will and His way. He makes us think we thought it up and desire something.
    He gives heart transplants and that leads to thought and mind changes. Through some personal
    challenges God has shown us it is possible as Christians to discipline our minds, our bodies
    and our spirits.. but our emotions lag behind. God designed them. I had to learn to yield this part
    of my being to my Heavenly Father and to accept less than perfect emotions. Sometimes they just need to be permitted. tears, anger, frustration, fear, etc and acknowledged. owned. accepted.
    As I write a hummingbird is resting between its trips to the feeder on a shepherd's hook plant holder. Thank you lord for showing me through this little bird you designed that there must be rest periods
    in my activity and to take time to digest what I have eaten or read or learned to assimilate it.
    My prayer for each of you is to adapt to what each day brings. living life in day tight compartments.
    not looking back at what was, but at what IS. today's reality and having hope and trust for tomorrow because God has already prepared it and will be with you. Today. praying for fingers to move and less pain and more rest.. to cope. Finding the people to minister to you .. that God sends. Rehab people
    are cheerleaders with lots of grit and determination. I had a total knee replacement and the recovery took a lot of work and pushing thru pain. my husband was my task master. they told him. I am grateful he pushed me and we laughed through it. Prayers for the boys to arrive and arrangements for their care and balance. Prayers for Michelle to find a pattern for her day between the kids and Steve.
    They will lighten your life .. with their perspective and hugs and unconditional love.

  • Amyheckman23

    We are continuing to pray. God is in the miracle business, and I pray that he provides a miracle in your families recovery!!!

  • cecille espiritu

    Hi Michelle,

    We're praying and hoping with you one miracle at a time. You, yourself, is a miracle! Keep on believing.

    Still praying,

    Cecille Espiritu

  • SarahBeuerle

    Dear Michelle,
    In many ways it seems like Steve is being born again thru all this. I remember with the birth of each of my children, I really did look at all their 10 fingers and 10 toes and praise God for each one he had created. As they have grown and mastered each task from baby to toddler and beyond, I sit near them hoping and praying that each bump will heal quickly and that they will grow stronger thru each trial and tribulation. I am amazed each and every time I read your postings just how much HOPE and FAITH shine thru. Scary though this time is, it is a time of rebirth and your faith is a beacon to those reading your posts. Just remember in those times of fear that there are many praying for you round the clock and trust their prayers to lift you both and hold you high before our mighty God till you feel your strength return.
    Love,
    Sarah Beuerle

  • Margotowen

    For fingers!!!! Will be my constant prayer.
    xoMargot

  • Ragamuffingirl

    praying for those fingers to move…praising with you for the blessings thus far and keeping hope!

  • jude

    Praying for miracles and movement and for Steve's fingers…

  • Daver

    Steve and Michelle, Mary Ann and I are holding you in our hearts and sitting with you in that work of trying to stay awake to the presence of God. Were praying for rest and the hope that comes in those moments where we sense the embrace of God. Dave

  • Jeri and Sara

    For fingers.

    Jeri

  • Joanna

    May the GOD of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

    Praying for you…

  • Susieobrian

    Ten fingers, dear Lord, ten toes, dear Lord, revive your servant, Steve, bless Michelle and give her emotional and physical strength for the days ahead. Let them both dream of smiles, your Smile, as you watch, direct, and wait for what You shall reveal.

    Lots of love, tears, prayers, blessings, and constant thoughts coming your way. Susie

  • Sederstrand Family

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you from upstate NY. We will definitely plead with our Healer to restore Steve's magnificent hands.

    Yours in Christ,
    Emily & Tom Sederstrand
    (plus 4 little intercessors who have Steve in their hearts)

  • Roger Bartholomew

    Hi Michelle – go for hope! Helen and myself are praying for nothing less than complete restoration everyday. The only downside is that one day he will need to carry his bed!!!!

    Roger & Helen

  • Carminda Regala

    Dear Michelle,

    I have just read your latest update on your sabbath but somehow have felt drawn to respond to this earlier update entitled “Hope”.

    This brought me to tears once again and my heart ached with you as you so eloquently described how you have chosen to enter that “vulnerable and frightening place”: to hope, “knowing that the outcome may not align itself with my desires”.

    But your next paragraph was an expression and proclamation of your amazing faith: ” I choose it…now, knowing that indeed God can do exceedingly more than we could ask for or imagine…knowing that his glory may shine forth even more powerfully in our brokenness”.

    My dear, dear Michelle: indeed God has anointed you and Steve; He has chosen you both to proclaim His glory through your suffering.

    As you share with us the chronicle of your “journey of Faith”, thousands of us around the world are coming together at His feet, praying for you, and the boys, and for Steve's healing.

    With one heart we are collectively stepping into the deep waters of faith together with you, trusting that God, as He did for His chosen people in the Holy Land, will also part the waters of “our Jordan river” and lead us through dry land into safety (Joshua 3).

    Michelle, this was our lesson in our SDG last Wednesday. Who would have thought that this study series, “Faith Lessons on the Promised Land” which you left with us before you left for your vacation would come alive in a very real way through you.

    We miss you and keep you in our hearts and prayers without ceasing.