Steve Ruetschle

Preliminary results of the CT scan look good but we do NOT have the official CT scan reading from the radiologist; this should come in a few hours.

Right after the CT scan Miche and David were able to have a visit with Steve; he opened his eyes, looked at Michelle, and said “Michelle”. They asked him what his name was, and he said “Steve”, and laughed.

It seems like he is perhaps starting to come back, and yet the delirium continues. The surgeon feels that is all still likely due to Steve’s prolonged sedation.

Steve is also off oxygen. He was on 3 liters of oxygen a day, he is now off of oxygen and breathing on his own. He continues to have good lung function; coughing; etc…

He did have a temperature overnight, over 101, and they are treating the temp with tylenol.

Will send official confirm on the CT scan when we get it.

Also, a note of recognition that particularly in these early days we know this is a bit of a roller coaster. These initial days of injury, triage, treatment; the diagnostic process; are filled with the peaks and valleys of the unknown. We are all grateful for everyone hanging in through prayers.

- Sean

The doctor saw Steve this morning and based on Steve’s condition they are going to do a CT scan.

Steve is still delirious, and he is not articulating himself. He is word searching and verbally confused; unable to put words in order. David called this “expressive aphasia”.

They are right now taking Steve down to get a CT scan to see if perhaps he has suffered a small stroke. One thing we all have been counting on is that Steve would be cognitively intact… that is now in question.

We await results of the CT scan.

Dear, dear friends and family,

I had a few moments today to read some of your WONDERFUL messages on caring bridge. I am moved, floored, and feeling blanketed in the awesome love of some very wonderful people. Thank you, thank you for taking the time to pour out your thoughts, greetings, encouragements and verses. My heart is warmed at the thought of someday reading these to Steve.

It has been a roller coaster day. It began of course with the news of Steve’s pneumonia and the delay in surgery. Somehow I was able to take this in stride, and I wonder now that perhaps there was some relief that the surgery, with its unique risks and trauma, was postponed. Next, we heard that Steve’s breathing tube might be removed. What joy we felt at the thought that he might now breath freely and unencumbered, that the sedation would come down and that we might be able to talk and interact with our beloved husband, brother and son! We are praising God that indeed the extubation was successful! However, Steve is in a state of delirium that is difficult to watch. He is moaning and twitching and fighting against his restraints continually, and seems in some ways less aware of our presence than before. He is not sleeping, not restful, but in a constant state of agitation and disorientation. This condition is a normal part of waking from such extreme and lengthy sedation, and may apparently last for days. And of course, if the surgery proceeds as scheduled, he will be further sedated, and will again endure this process, although hopefully not for so long.

My personal praise is that I have felt strong during this wave of events, no doubt buoyed up on your wonderful prayers and encouragements. While it is terrible to watch, with each visit I see more movement. Where before he was still and fighting silently, now Steve is vocalizing and moving. When he raises his arms to his face, I think: he can feed himself! When his finger curls slightly, I think: his fingers may come back, his typing will be possible, and one day he will hold my hand again! When he moans, I think: his vocal cords are intact, he can speak! And so I am grateful for these signs of hope, of an active life to come, whether the actions will be limited, or whether they will be large (one day, perhaps, he will leap!). And so, really, it has not been such a bad day after all.

My prayer requests are as follows:

Please pray that the antibiotics continue to do their important work, and that Steve’s lungs become totally clear and healthy.

Please pray that the sedation wears off in a good and controlled manner, that Steve would regain consciousness smoothly and quickly, and that the return to awareness and to the reality of his situation would not be overly traumatic for him.

I have hovered between a hopeful faith in complete healing and a desire to submit to whatever God’s will may be for Steve’s life. As I struggle with this balance (and perhaps you do too), I found the words of a rabbi friend of my father’s helpful: “As a Rabbi for over half a century, I have seen more than my share of pain and suffering. I have yet to discover an easy way to overcome the hardships of tragedy – but for the paths of hope and of prayer. I urge you most strongly to heed Emerson’s insight that “We judge of man’s wisdom by his hope.” My life experience has shown me that hope can even alter reality – and my belief in God teaches me that He adds our hope as decider for His actions. I have been helped by Aristotle’s advice that “Hope is a waking dream” – and hope helps our dreams very often to come true. Please do not despair. Add to this the powerful impact of prayer. This I can guarantee you. I have seen it at work and its power is beyond compare. Prayer plays a role from the lips of all those moved to join in a circle of friendship.”

And so I will live in hope, that tomorrow morning, perhaps I may enter to find Steve calm and able to talk. Should he not be much improved, I will take comfort in the following verses: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2Cor4:16-18

With much, much love and gratitude,
Michelle

Just off the phone with David and Miche, both. 4:10EST

The extubation was successful. Steve is breathing on his own. It is too soon to tell if he will be able to maintain this long-term, but so far so good.

Steve does have pneumonia, and as David characterized it this is common when a patient experiences long-term intubation and immobility. The lungs are made up of thousands of balloons, and when a patient is immobile and breathing on a ventilator, etc some portions of the lung collapse and are vulnerable to infection.

Steve’s temperature is down, however he is also disoriented… he is not fully aware, nor is he talking. He neck is fully secure, of course, but he is moving his head around; agitated. It remains important to keep him calm. We think the agitation and disorientation is due to the prolonged sedation, and are hoping that his general orientation will improve.

Miche also describe that as she held his hand there was faint movement in his fingers; an encouraging sign.

Their next visit with him is in a few hours, and we’ll post an update later this evening.

Just off the phone with David, 12pmEST

They are going to try and extubate Steve (remove the breathing tube) within the hour.

The measurements that they’ve been able to take suggest that the swelling has gone down and he *may* be able to breathe on his own. There are also significant risks in keeping him intubated for this long… one of which is he could loose his voice.

Once they extubate, they will take measurements and determine how well he’s breathing. If the extubation is successful, they can reduce his sedation meds and he could talk. If this is not successful, then they will need to re-intubate him.

Please pray for a successful extubation, and that Steve would be able to breathe and talk on his own.

The surgery is schedule for this Wednesday, but that is entirely dependent on the fever, etc.

21 June 2010 11 a.m.

Dear all,

As you know, Steve developed an infection in his lungs which caused his temperature to spike. The neurosurgeon has therefore postponed his surgery for 48 hours.

During our visits today we will therefore refrain from stimulating him too much and will simply pray over him quietly and hold his hand. His temperature has come down some due to the medication they are giving.

Please pray that the antibiotics would do their job and heal the infection. Please pray that the Lord would continue to strengthen and prepare his body for surgery. Please pray for his doctors and nurses, that they would have wisdom during his care.

I am surprisingly able to handle this news. The nurse says this is typical in a case like Steve’s. The process will be one step forward and two steps back. Today and tomorrow are our two steps back.

Steve is heavily sedated and looks peaceful. We are leaning heavily into the Mighty Arms.

Love, Michelle

Just off the phone with Michelle (5:45am PST, 8:45am EST)

Steve has developed a fever of 103.8.

They have him on a course of antibiotics, and surgery has been delayed for 48 hours.

Miche is going in to see Steve now; We will post updates as they come.

- Sean

Important update from David: Steve’s surgery is confirmed for tomorrow at 12:45pm to 5:45pm.

The staff was able to feed him today for the first time… all in an effort to nourish and strengthen his body for tomorrow’s surgery. As Miche has also explained, the staff want to conserve his strength for surgery, and so they have him in a deeper sedation, with the ventilator breathing for him.

And more encouraging news: today Steve had purposeful, strong movements and extensions of both wrists. This is very encouraging, yet still important at this stage to keep him calm and relaxed.

Many have suggested and ask that we all take time to fast and pray together during the surgery time. Please. The request goes out even as it is clear from the many messages that there will be people fasting and praying all over the world… for mercy and miracles.

Many of you were originally connected to the events of the last several days through an email chain. The news went from Michelle using Facebook on an iPhone… to me on my iPhone… to a growing list of people around the world via email. We then moved the updates to this site as a temporary location before we launch a new site for Steve.

I’ve known Michelle and Steve for about fifteen years. In fact, I essentially introduced them… gave the homily at their wedding… was there when Aidan and Jude were born. I met Steve at a gig when we were both musicians, years before he was a Pastor. I met Miche when she first moved to Seattle, traveling by this inexplicable faith after working tirelessly at an orphanage in Hong Kong. Together with my wife, Anita, we’ve all known and carried each other as friends through both shadow and pinnacle. They are our dearest friends. I know many of you have rich, special stories and memories with them, and that many of you also name them as and among your dearest friends. That’s who they are.

I live in Seattle, but over the last days have been getting the updates out while on the Oregon coast. I’m here with family to remember the 10th anniversary of my sisters death. She too was in a tragic accident on a paved road, at a tragically young age and time.

This effort, website, all of these prayers, are about and for Steve, Miche, the boys, and the Ruetschle and Van Leeuwen families. I know writing a glimpse of my story with the Ruetschle’s here is a bit of an indulgence, and I ask for forgiveness.

I know that many of you have felt grateful, impressed, and blessed by Michelle’s updates… her hope, grace, and reliance on God.

However, Miche also wrote me this afternoon, “I hope my posts are not too light-hearted. I am SHATTERED. Falling to pieces hourly. Cannot sleep. You may post that if you want. Faith, hope and love live alongside.”

My sister was named Aletha; a Greek word meaning ‘truth’. Remembering her while immersed in these days with Steve and Miche, I keep coming back to this one truth she taught me: Tragedy makes things transparent.

In the aftermath of tragedy some go to scripture… some to poetry, words… embraces… some to anger, rage, helplessness… and many to the perhaps deeper eloquence of silence and tears. In all of these outpourings we are made transparent. You see what you and others are made of. In a way that is almost unbearable things that are most essential can be seen and felt.

This is what Mike was saying in the below update from Miche; what David said and what Miche is saying. Among many things, “this is a life-altering event, a choice, a clarity and burning away of the chaff.”

Another thing that Aletha taught me and Steve now reminds me; this clarity and transparence is hard to sustain. There are stages of seeing. The lenses shift. But it is possible to live there over time. But how, how to sustain it? How to keep in reserve the light-filled experiences of outpoured love for the times when the light necessarily dims… or rather, when our capacity to see the Light dims.

I think in part it is possible to live there by not turning away. By not turning away from the horror AND the beauty with simple cliches and cheap words; by not dwelling too long in all-too-easy anger; in not finding prolonged, false comfort in helplessness. But instead, by facing all of it… turning into all of it.

What am I trying to say. Miche is SHATTERED. Most of us would agree that we’ve rarely if ever encountered a couple with the love and devotion that these two share for each other. Miche is naturally in her life what Steve is in his body. Shattered. The shards are piercing and they reflect everything that is most essential.

“Faith, hope, and love alongside,” Miche says.

I’ve heard people in the last days offer assurance that Steve will walk again. That glorious things will occur. Truth be told, I personally don’t “know” what is going to happen. I respect such faith, and yet today, now, mere “knowing” is not the point for me.

Faith is something other than mere ‘knowing’… the evidence of things unseen. Dark. Not sight. And faith in an unfathomable God leads me to hope in His power that I can barely endure, revealed and felt in all of the outpourings of love in the last days. And that hope in Him ultimately takes me to love.

Many years ago in one of Steve’s darkest moments I sat with him in a parked car, at night, and listened to him sob. He was in immense pain. And he said, “Sky, all I want to be in this life is a man who loves. A man who loves others, and who loves God.”

Steve repeated that over and over, that night and through the years. He has repeated that in his art; his music; in seminary; from the pulpit; in First Pres Bellevue, UPC, and for the last years at Union Church; he has repeated that in the play and strength of being PAPA (on this father’s day) to his boys… his boys; he has repeated that in his sweet and lovely marriage; and even in his words as he lay broken and transported to the hospital…

And no doubt, beneath the haze and dimness of medication and the choking pain… now. Right now. What is most transparent to me in this tragedy, what is most essential: Steve is a man of love. A man who loves us as he loves this unfathomable, unbearably beautiful God.

So I don’t quite ‘know’ what will happen in the next days. But what I can see in this transparency is a man who because of AND no matter the condition of his body — is a living force of “faith, hope, and love alongside.”

Sky Sean Dimond

Dear friends and family,

So much happens in a few hours. There are a hundred different scenarios, decisions, plans and issues to handle under these kinds of circumstances and every minute between visits seems scarce. I will therefore give a brief update and list of prayer requests. Please know how much we love you all and are grateful for your support.

Steve remains stable with little change. On a positive note, they have begun to feed him through the feeding tube and his temperature has returned to normal. He seems to have a rising resistance to his breathing tube however. Today we learned that it is exceptionally small for a man of his size, we assume due to the swelling at the time that he was intubated. When he is brought out of sedation he therefore shows extreme signs of panic. He tries to push the tube out, and he shakes his head from side to side which causes the tube in his throat to further irritate the swelling. They are working hard at finding a good balance. An important prayer request is therefore that Steve WOULD BE ABLE TO BREATHE ON HIS OWN. The difficulty breathing is what is necessitating the tube, which necessitates the sedation, which is causing him so much stress. While Steve is showing that he has the mechanics to breathe, he is not yet able to cough on his own to clear his lungs. This is a major sign they are looking for. Regardless of how ready he is to have the tube removed, however, it cannot happen until after surgery, as they will need to use the tube during surgical procedure. He will therefore remain sedated and intubated until then.

Along those lines, please pray for PEACE for Steve. While he appears peaceful during sedation, he shows increasing agitation and panic when he comes out. On a personal note, this is difficult for the family, as we can only talk and touch him minimally under these circumstances. That is because while he longs to hear from us and be touched, this stimulates him into greater consciousness which then causes agitation. It is already to have such limited access, but at the moment we can barely interact during those few precious moments except to pray quietly. The nurses say he will not remember this, so I have no idea how much this affects his healing, however I feel intuitively that if he were calm, the knowledge of our love and presence would be deeply comforting to him.

Finally, we are making many, many major decisions and gathering much information. Three areas especially deserve your prayers. One is that the insurance coverage would be good. Two is that we would have wisdom in deciding on a rehabilitation center for Steve, which is the next decision. Three is that any legal considerations would go smoothly, and again, that we would make wise decisions.

In closing, at the beginning of this vacation I began to meditate on the following verses. I felt these were my “anthem” so to speak for our holidays. I now lean into them greatly and pray that I will be a faithful servant in putting them into practice:

Philippians 4:4-9 (New International Version)

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.